Once More With Feeling
by Shaunah
Summary: It's been ten years since they left Horizon and Scott's getting married. But when Shelby revisits secrets from thier past will it destroy more than just his wedding....to Never Enough
1. Monique's Journey Home

A/N: Welcome to the world of Scott, Monique, Shelby and our other favorite characters, ten years after Horizon. A lot has happened in those years and eventually we'll catch up and understand what's going on. Don't be shocked by what you see (namely the Scott and Shelby situation), read more and you'll see where I'm going, to everything there's a history.I hope you enjoy reading this and as always…Review!  
  


Disclaimer: I don't own the Higher Ground Characters but I own Mo and the other secondary characters. 

**1.****Monique's Journey Home**

** **

~Monique~

The car moved along the busy downtown streets, sometimes changing lanes, turning, stopping but always moving forward. It made its way down the black paved road at a medium pace, oblivious to any other passer-Byers and their meaningless daily tasks. It was dark but everything was visible by the light of the numerous street lamps, store signs and headlights of the other automobiles. There was nothing odd about this night; in fact it was like every other, which was exactly why the driver was in no rush to get home. She lingered on the streets, taking the long way home, through the back alleys and seldom used roads, glancing away from the highly tinted front windshield only long enough to turn the radio to a jazz station. She stayed like this for a while, in the car, listening to the fluid sound of jazz and not wondering when she'd get home since it really was of no consequence. No one was waiting for her and counting the minutes to her arrival so she didn't bother to count the minutes either. Eventually a familiar street came into view and she knew her journey was over for one more night. The car pulled into the posh apartment complex where she stopped at the front of the worn brown building and a valet in a smart red suit greeted her before taking the keys to her car. She didn't even look back and watch him pull away, but continued until she reached the elevator. It was empty, which was not unusual considering it was too late for the workers to be coming home and too early for drunk bodies to be carried back up to their rooms. For the moment that she was confined in the padded box, she leaned against it and tried hard not to think about the million things that were on her mind. Those were the dangerous times, when she was alone, confined to a small space with herself, these were the minutes that every event over the past ten years would come rushing back, overtaking her and sending her into almost immediate depression for the night. She fought them valiantly and soon, but not soon enough for her, she was standing in the hallway in front of her large studio apartment, the hallway wasn't long because hers was the only apartment that occupied that floor. A key was pushed into the door, a familiar click followed and she pushed her way inside. The normal routine always followed, throwing her keys on to the table by the door, kicking her shoes off, turning on the television on the way to her bedroom and changing into a pair of sweats. She pulled her dark curly hair up into a ponytail and went to the kitchen to search for something to eat. 

"Welcome to Inside Hollywood. I'm your host Jennifer Kidwell. This week we have an exclusive, never before seen, special on the hottest actress since…well…forever, Monique Garret!" 

She was halfway into the fridge, digging and rummaging, when she heard this and immediately she jerked up and in the process banged her head hard on the roof of it. Rubbing the top of her head she reached for the remote on the kitchen table and turned up the sound on the large screen flat television. 

"Since coming to Hollywood only five years ago, Monique Garrett has taken the film industry by storm. Her last three movies have acquired rave reviews, Golden Globes, Academy Awards, Cannes Awards, Screen Actors Guild Awards and the list goes on and on. A Girl Called Wednesday, her most recent film, topped the charts for a month straight, even beating the highly anticipated, One Last Dance, and grossing over $500 million dollars in the first three weeks! It seems like nothing can stop her and it is agreed that Hollywood has crowned a new queen." The toothy blonde anchorwoman exclaimed all this in a high-pitched overly excited voice while pictures of a gorgeous woman were simultaneously plastered all over the screen.

She stood at the fridge with a sandwich half way in her mouth and the remote in her hand, and then violently she clicked off the television and threw the rest of the food away before stomping to her bedroom. The shower was turned on and she hid in there for a good while until her skin became wrinkled and it was time to get out. Then another quick change into pajamas and she was in bed but she didn't go to sleep right away. She sat there, staring at the wall across from the bed; it was covered with photos of friends and family that she had rarely seen in the last five years. They were all smiling and laughing at jokes that she had long forgotten.A particular photo caught her eye and she immediately wondered why she hadn't gotten rid of it years ago. She had certainly tried but he never made things easier on her. A small white bottle and a glass of water sat on the night table next to her and she tried to resist but she couldn't. She popped a pill, took a mouthful of water, flicked off the light and then drifted off into the darkness of sleep. 

Next: We check up on Shelby....


	2. Catching Up With Shelby

~Shelby~

            "Okay class please line up at the door single file!" She tried her best to be heard over the giggling and whining of the twenty kindergarteners that were presently running around in circles all over the room. Shelby reached for one but he got away and another wiggled her way out of her gentle grasp so she could stick her tongue out at another one who was pulling a little red heads fiery hair. It looked like a highly unorganized circus, children running everywhere, doing everything and not paying the slightest attention to the ringleader, to them known as Ms. Merrick. 

            "Everyone freeze!" She yelled this as loud as possible and in an instant every voice was quieted and every movement ceased. Her students stared up with wide eyes from where they were standing. Silently she collected the stragglers, buttoned coats, tightened scarves and deposited them in line. A pin drop would have been loud in the room; she had taken swift command of her unruly troop and turned them into a first class infantry of runny noses and messy pigtails in less than a few minutes. 

            "Now lets sing our song and then we can go outside to play," Shelby nodded to the small girl with big blue eyes in front of the line. "Our line leader for today is Heather and she's going to lead us."

            She smiled encouragingly at the little Heather who opened her mouth wide, revealing a few missing teeth, took a deep breath and in a high sweet voice began singing as her other class members joined in.

            "Keep your hands to yourself, keep your hands to yourself! Don't push anyone, don't hit anyone, keep your hands to your self!" 

            Shelby beamed at her students as the filed out of the bright classroom one by one and out onto the playground. As soon as they reached the beginnings of blacktop the small amount of rule that had been enforced flew away and they were back to their screaming ways. All she could do was shake her head in amusement as she watched them, each with their own personality, style and way of doing things. It never ceased to amaze her how there could be so many different people in the world. 

            "What's so funny?" Shelby turned as she recognized the voice of fellow teacher and one of her closest friends, Kelly Harris, behind her. She was a good-natured brunette that had a habit of meddling but she always meant well. Shelby met her the first day she came to teach at Ross Elementary and the immediately became close friends. 

            "Nothing, just watching them brings a smile to my face." She said simply. Kelly nudged her slightly and grinned mischievously. 

            "Are you sure it's not the new fifth grade teacher, Jason Rowland, that brings such a look of rapture on your face."

            Shelby's mouth dropped in surprise. "Of course not- Marcus Brown, I see you! We don't throw sand in other peoples hair!-, although he hasn't made it easy for me to tell him I'm not interested."

            "What exactly did you say?"

            "Well, he asked me out to dinner after parent-teacher conferences but I politely told him that I had some place to be but he said 'maybe another time' and he meant it. Some guys just can't take a hint." 

            "He's gorgeous. I don't see why you just don't go out with him at least once."

            "Because I'm not interested or ready to date."

            Kelly sighed and made steady eye contact with her friend. "It's been eight years, Shel, I'm worried that you're never going to let it go."

            Shelby quickly averted her eyes. "Howie and Sarah! The monkey bars are not high wires!" 

            Kelly shook her head at her friend's obvious change of the subject. "Fine. I won't meddle but eventually your going to have to move on. You can't sit around waiting for that guy forever, if you love him that much maybe it's time for you to take the initiative and if it doesn't work out then you know, its time to get on with your life."

            She patted her arm and then walked away leaving Shelby to contemplate her words. 

            "I only wish it was that easy." She whispered to the frigid air and then went to stop a fight over the kick balls. 


	3. Scott Free Again

**2. Scott Free- Again**

~Scott~

            "Mr. Barringer, there's a call for you on line two."

            Scott looked up from the brief he was preparing and his eyes immediately focused on the black intercom box in front of him that was at the present moment lit up like a Christmas tree.

            "Thank you, Janie." He said pressing a small button and then releasing. Scott adjusted his tie, leaned back in his chair and the proceeded to pick up the phone.

            "Scott Barringer, Attorney-at-Law, how can I help you." His tone was informal and professional but with a hint of warmness that he found clients liked because it made them feel important. After two full years of working at Washington, D.C.'s largest law firm he knew how to handle people and how to quickly get rid of them without being entirely rude. He hated being interrupted while he was doing paperwork but then again when wasn't he doing paperwork. 

            "Hi, sweetheart." He jumped forward at the sound of the silky female voice that floated over the telephone line. 

            "Oh, hi, honey." A small knot formed in his throat as he adjusted the phone cradle to rest on his shoulder. Furiously he grabbed his agenda book and flipped through to make sure he hadn't missed a fitting or a meeting with the wedding planner, which is usually why she called during working hours.

            "You can stop your frantic search, darling. You aren't in trouble this time." He stopped abruptly and sighed. She always knew everything and that worked to unnerve him a little. Scott sat back a little in his chair and let his blue eyes rest on a picture of the woman he was talking too. Her beautiful smile seemed to reflect the wonder of the world around; he recognized the picture as the one he had taken of her on their last trip to Rome. 

            "What is it?"

            "I just wanted to let you know that my family is coming in for the engagement party so we'll need to book rooms at the hotel and that today you promised we'd go over the guest list."

            "Right but I'll probably be a little late. I have to file some court orders for the Johnson case but I shouldn't be long."

            "Well, don't be too late," A slight resonance of disappointment and annoyance settled in her voice but her breeding did well to hide it. "I love you." She added as if an afterthought.

            "I love you too. I'll see you tonight."

            "Alright." With that she hung up and Scott once again leaned back in his leather chair, this time rubbing his temples with the thumbs of his hand. It had been a long day and it had just gotten longer within a few minutes. Too add to his distress he was going to have to spend a whole night with the future in-laws. They had worked to make it quite clear that he would never be good enough for their daughter and that just because she "claimed' to be in love with him didn't mean they had too. Scott tried his best not to dwell on that, there was no use in ruining his day but he did have to make one more phone call, one that he had been dreading for a long time, three years actually. 

Slowly he picked up the phone and dialed the numbers equally as lethargically. It rang for a moment and then someone picked up.

"Hello." He found himself closing his eyes and breathing the sound of her voice in. It had been too long, time had gotten away from them and he missed her so much.

"Hi, Mo?" Scott responded hesitantly. 

"Look, if your some sick prank caller, I don't know how in the heck you got my number and don't think that I won't call my security service because stalking is a federal offense!" A loud click and then a dial tone followed. Scott hadn't even had enough time to react but he was sure, it was definitely her. No one else he knew could spit out comments like that in a short amount of time, except for…but he blocked her from his mind, the past was over and it was time to look to the future, without her, if she could then so could he. He dialed the number again, this time with a little less reservation.

"Hello." This time she wasn't as friendly and he moved in quickly.

"Mo, it's Scott." 

Silence.

"Monique?"

Silence.

"Anyone there?"

"I…I'm sorry. Hello, Scott. It's been a while." She sounded different somehow, cautious and maybe even a little disbelieving. 

"Too long. The last time we spoke I was still in law school and you were working on your first movie."

"Time flies, huh." 

He was wasting time and he knew it so he decided to get to the point, quickly. 

"Look, Mo, there's some thing I need to talk to you about and I think it's time we caught up. I was wondering if you were free next weekend?"

"Uh…yeah…I don't start, _Walks With The Angels,_ until next month. The studio gave me some time off." 

"I think it might be better if I came down there to see you. Is that okay?"

"Sure, fine."

"I can't wait to see you, really. I've missed you so much."

"I can't wait either." He noticed that she actually perked up a little, maybe this wouldn't be disastrous after all. They said goodbyes and hung up. Scott smiled for a moment to himself and then went back to correcting the Johnson case court briefings. 


	4. Cameron's Cliffhangers

~Cameron~

            "Ok everyone, who wants to start?" Cameron looked encouragingly out over the group of students in front of him but unfortunately not one was paying attention. A girl dressed in all black dubbed Rizzo, was busy filing her equally black nails, Kylie, a skimpily dressed brunette was throwing suggestive looks at Jackson, a blonde skater type who seemed to attract all the female attention no matter where they were. The other four Jessa, Graham, Luke and Bryan, were doing what they normally did during group sessions, trying to sleep. Cameron sighed inwardly at them, it had been two weeks since they had all arrived and the ice still had yet to be broken, although for these particular ones it seemed like the ice was thirty feet deep. Drastic times call for drastic measures. He clapped his hands loudly and brought them all to attention. 

            "No volunteers?" The room was as silent as death. "Fine! I'll just pick. Graham, you look chipper this morning why don't you start!"

            At the recognition of his name, Graham, also known as "Graham Cracker" by his not so enthusiastic peers, raised his head and looked around as if he hadn't heard right. He was tall, lanky and hadn't really grown into his body; his red hair seemed to always shoot in thirty different directions at once. Cameron knew his story, but briefly, ever since becoming assistant to Peter at Horizon six years ago he had discovered that it was better to have no prejudgments about the kids who came through. Some of them had similar stories like Jessa and Kylie who had been runaways, but were affected in totally different ways. Jessa dealt with her life by being extremely quiet and introverted, Kylie, on the other hand, seemed to crave attention. Graham had been a dealer in his rural town and subsequently introduced his Midwest area to drugs single-handedly, a fact that he was proud of.  

            "Yes, Graham, you are the grand prize winner." Cameron tried to smile through his growing annoyance. It was bad enough no one was paying attention but now he was slowly getting frustrated. 

            After a brief moment of contemplation the lanky red head opened his mouth. "I feel like…getting high."

            Cameron flexed his jaw slightly. "Thank you for your honesty, we'll have to work on that one though, that was a start. Anyone else?"

            Rizzo looked up from her nails briefly and her emotionless eyes settled on Graham. "I feel like upchucking on the Cracker."

            "Rizzo…" Cameron started; she made a satisfied face and then returned to her nails. Kylie decided on going next and it was getting harder for him not to notice her sultry brown eye on him. She was a natural charmer but he could see right through her, she was scared and insecure but that still didn't ease his discomfort. 

            "I feel…like getting to know Counselor Cam better."

            "Kylie, that's not how this game works…" He was stopped short when she placed a hand on his tanned muscular arm. 

            "We can play anyway you like." Her voice was deep and seductive and for once Cameron was glad that everyone else in the room was half asleep. His eyes widened and he quickly stood up in an effort to get as far from her as possible. 

            "Okay everyone, that's enough for today." Wearily he existed the room, they probably wouldn't miss him anyway. He went straight to Peter's office, who was sitting at his desk with his four year old daughter, Heidi, on his knee. Her blonde pigtails bounced up and down as her father pretended to be a horse, taking her for a wild ride through Texas. Ever since officially adopting the little girl when she was a baby she had been her father's joy and her mother's miracle, it was nice to watch them together. Peter hadn't noticed the younger counselor enter and Cameron cleared his throat.

            "Sorry to interrupt."

            Peter looked up and laughed. "She loves this game, I have no idea why."

            When Heidi spotted Cameron she jumped from her father's arm and hurtled into his. 

            "Cammy, Cammy!" He bent down to pick her up and swung her around once. She giggled in delight as Sophie came through the door. Once again, Heidi jumped down and threw herself into the awaiting arms of her mother. Peter watched the sight in quiet contentment before turning to Cameron.

            "So what can I do for you?"

            "I'm having a little trouble with one of the Cliffhangers."

            "Let me guess, Kylie Johnson."

            "How did you know?"

            "Sophie told me that she had your name written all over her notebook." 

            Cameron sighed. "I was sure she was interested in Jackson but it seems like nothing I do gives her the hint. I mean I'm almost ten years older than her but she just doesn't seem to get it. I've tried everything."

            "Have you tried telling her bluntly that you aren't interested?"

            "I've thought of it but I don't want to hurt her."

            "Sometimes it's better to get it out now then to wait until she's completely infatuated with you and have to deal with it later. I'm sure it would hurt a lot more then."

            "Your right, If it continues I'll take care of it."

            "Good, anything else I can do for you."

            He thought a moment. "Well, I was wondering if I could have some time off soon. I haven't seen Shelby in a while."

            "I don't see why not, Sophie can handle the Cliffhangers while your gone."

            "Thanks, Peter."

            "No problem." 

            Cameron walked out, his mind a little lighter and his eyes ready to see Shelby again.

A/N: Horizon ten years in the future, I might focus a little on the stories of these teens too but not as in depth. I love all the suggestions, some of you had really good ideas and I wish I had waited before finishing the story but alas…I finished it and right now I'm just posting chapters of it here and there. I hope you guys are enjoying it, I hate these slow chapters but its about to pick up speed. Thanks for the reviews and as always R/R.


	5. Nothing But The Truth

~Monique~

            Methodically, Monique went through her spacious cold metal kitchen, throwing a way a week old pizza box here and there and simultaneously cursing herself for not having Glenda, the stout Polish cleaning women come back. The living room and guest bedroom had already seen the fury of a woman on a mission to clean; the dining room remained, as always, untouched, she never used it anyway. A sturdy black trash bag sat on the imported Caribbean style hardwood flooring in the foyer, a monument to all that was spotless yet something was missing. She stopped in the middle of the front entrance and looked around, nothing seemed out of place, everything was where she had always had it. Vintage Chinese vase, French chandelier and the only original swinging Elvis clock in New York. Then she remembered. Quickly Monique pushed her way into the clutter filled closet, kicking away old boxes and useless long forgotten junk until she reached a particular box with big black lettering that read, "Scott's Old Stuff." Sticking out from the top was a raggedy looking bear; slowly she pulled it out of the box and held it to her chest.

            "Mr. Fluffums where have you been all my life." She chuckled to the air and had halfway removed herself from the closet when the intercom rang. 

            "Ms. Garret! You have a visitor, says his name is Scott Barringer, looks like an attorney to me. Probably selling bonds or something, should I send him away?"

            Monique ran to the intercom with Mr. Fluffums in one arm, she pressed the button on it. 

            "No, let him in, Jerry, he's okay."

            "But he isn't on the list."

            "Don't worry, he's with me."

"I don't know." Jerry voice was hesitant. He was trained to prevent any press, stalkers or any other unwelcome intruders from entering the complex and he took it very seriously. 

"Look at him, come on don't you think I could take him."

            There was a silence on the other end in which she assumed Jerry was surveying him. She could just imagine Scott's face during the whole exchange, a discretely hidden annoyance and slightly amused, but not quite, she'd hear about it if he ever got up. 

            "Yeah, you could kick his butt. I'll send him right up."

            Monique threw Mr. Fluffums onto the Italian leather couch and dragged the trash bag into another closet in the kitchen until the trash men came to get it. A few moments later the door bell to her apartment rang, she brushed back her hair to make sure no unruly curls had escaped, adjusted her sleek black Versace dress and then opened the door. Scott stood there looking disgruntled mostly likely because Jerry had taken it upon himself to follow him up. He was dressed casually in a pair of khakis and a polo, she had dubbed it lawyer-wear while he was in law school and insisted on wearing something like it every day. He was still rakishly handsome, this time a little older and his features emulated a quiet wisdom and asserted power. 

            "Monique."

            "Scott."

            Formalities really weren't necessary because his blue eyes, as always, said everything. He was happy to see her, he missed her, it had been too long, and there was something they needed to talk about. They stood staring at each other until Jerry coughed to get their attention.

            "Here are your bags, Mr. Barringer. I'll bring them inside."

            "Just put them in the guest bedroom, Jerry. Down the hall and to your right."

            Monique opened the door wider so he could get through and immediately Scott grabbed her in a hug. He smelled like a strong musk and felt warm. 

            "How have you been?"

            "Great, I'm sure you've seen all about it on television. It seems like lately they're obsessed with me, I can't get away." She said, steering them to the couch in the living room. He laughed in his deep voice. 

            "I love how you changed your last name, very hip. Actually, I try not to watch you on T.V., I can't stand it, makes you sound so…aloof."

            "I know what you mean. How's the practice?"

            "Well, it turns out that they are so impressed with me that I'm being promoted to partner."  
            "Congratulations." The words came out truly sincere, Monique had always been so proud of him. He was about to open his mouth again when Jerry came out of the guest room.

            "So you're a lawyer, I knew it, I smelled it on you."

            Scott's eyes widened but once again he was cut short by Jerry's jersey accented voice. 

            "Look, I got this friend, yeah, this friend, his names…uh…Larry, that's right, Larry Barber, and he seemed to have gotten himself in a little tiny bit 'a trouble with the cops. One night at a bar, got a little tipsy, exchanged a few choice words of the four letter type with this jerk of a biker type, things got a little out of hand and the next thing he knows, wham! In the slammer. No fault of his own of course, cops are always spoilin' for a fight, ya know." 

            "I…" Scott started. 

            "So now this guy wants him to pay the medical bills for a broken nose and jaw. Well I'm like…I mean he's like, ain't no way I'm payin' for that. You wanna talk you pay the price, ya know! He wants to take it to court and he don't wanna go to court, I've seen that Judge Judy and she ain't no Martha Stewart if you know what I mean."

            Monique could barely hold in her laughter, she got up and took Jerry by the arm.

            "Come on, Jer, I haven't seen Scott here for three years, I'm sure he'd love to get you…I mean your friend, off the hook but he'll be here all week. You can tell him all about it later."

            Jerry thankfully allowed himself to be led out of the apartment. 

            "Sure thing, sweetheart, you and the lawyer have a good visit. I'll make sure the new punk of a valet doesn't key his car."

            When he had been successfully removed Scott and Monique looked at each other and then began laughing hysterically until their sides hurt and they were gasping for air. Monique plopped down on the couch beside Scott after the episode had ended. 

            "He's one of a kind that, Jerry."

            "You are very correct."

            They sat in the quiet of the room for a while, contemplating, and each thinking their own thoughts until Scott broke the silence. He was very sober looking and Monique immediately wondered what had brought on the sudden change in his demeanor. 

            "I have something to tell you."

            Mo turned to face him. "I hope it's good news."

            "I hope you think so."

            He cleared his throat and looked straight into her eyes.

            "Mo, I'm getting married."

            The smile quickly faded from her face as she digested the words he said.

            "Excuse me? I thought you just said you were getting married."

            "I did."

            She sat there for a moment and then quickly jumped up from the couch. Stunned Scott watched her pace furiously and run her hands through her hair.

            "What are you crazy! You can't get married! What are you thinking!"

            "Why not?"

            "Because!" She calmed for a second and glanced at him quizzically. "Unless your marrying Shelby."

            Scott got up and began walking to the kitchen.

            "You know that was over a long time ago."

            "She was the love of your life."

            He whirled around angrily.

            "Exactly, Monique, the operative word here is was!"

            All she could do was stare at him, he was breathing heavily, obviously angry but suddenly his features softened and pain covered his expression. 

            "She left me. Left me without so much as a goodbye. Can you imagine how much it hurt to come home and see her stuff gone and no trace of her, the women I loved with every fiber of my being. I trusted her, Mo, I gave her everything she ever asked, but I guess it wasn't enough."

            Defeated, Scott sat down on a bar stool and let his mind wander off into space. Monique watched his every movement and then knelt down beside him, resting a hand on his knee.

            "I had no idea, I thought you guys just broke up."

            "There are some things to painful to say, even to think about."

            "Can you tell me one thing, Scott." She said tentatively. "Do you love her, your fiancé."

            He averted his strong gaze and then stood up. He kissed her softly on top of her head.

            "Sometimes there are things more important than love. I'll probably never fall in love with a woman like I did Shelby but at least I can trust her. Look, It's been a long day I'll see you in the morning, Mo."

            Her eyes followed his muscular body to the guest room; the last time he had been here had been with Shelby. They were so happy, so in love, she had even scolded them for their public displays of affection. A single tear fell at the remembrance; there were some things that even time could never destroy, she was sure of it. 

            "There is no way I'm letting you ruin your life, Scott. No way." Monique whispered to the air and then went to her room to dig up her address book. 


	6. If There Be Sorrow

~Shelby~

            It could have been the she was edging on insanity or that she was desperate for closure to the many open endings in her life because she found herself agreeing to go to New York to see Monique even though she hadn't seen her for the past five years. Three years was a longer space in time than it seemed, a lot had happened in five years and she wasn't sure if she could face it herself, let alone explain the past to another person. She wished that she had just kept her mouth shut and not let Monique con her into leaving her class behind, jumping on a plane and going to a place that she hadn't visited in five years and to a past that she had no desire to revisit at all. The memories of him were the one reason that she had run in the first place, run straight to California, on the other side of the continent, as far as she could get from Washington, D.C. But the reason why never ceased to keep her awake at night. She couldn't even bring herself to think about it as she threw clothes haphazardly into her large leather suitcase. It was just like Scott had said a long time ago, "Something things are too painful to say, even to think about." This was one of them and she had spent a good part of her life escaping from the crushing reality of what had happened and she wouldn't allow herself to dwell on it now, it was too hard. 

            "Shelby! It's Monique!" She heard Cameron yell from the living room after the phone rang twice. Her couch had been occupied since last Thursday when he had popped in for a surprise visit and now had agreed to stay and watch the apartment while she was away, not that she had much to steal anyway. Shelby threw one last shirt into the quickly filling suitcase before striding into the living room and picking up the phone. 

Hesitantly she answered and tried to sound as cheerful and as excited as possible. "Hello?"

            "Hey, Shel its me, I was just making sure that everything's squared away." Her voice was unusually low, like they were sharing some well guarded secret but Shelby ignored it, probably just the phone line. 

            "Yeah, everything's fine, I got the tickets and everything you sent. You know I could have just scheduled a flight, you didn't have to send your personal jet."

            Shelby still couldn't believe those words were coming out of her mouth, personal jet. It had been somewhat of a shock to her to find out that Monique had left Horizon and subsequently been discovered while arguing with a bank manger on a road trip to California. She hadn't changed much, except for the fact that she had money at her disposal, sometimes it worried her to think about Mo all alone in that apartment but every time she had brought up the subject it was quickly quelled.

            "No, that's alright, I wasn't using it this week anyway. Oh and the limo will be at the airstrip to pick you up….I really can't wait for you to get here."  

            Shelby smiled softly to herself. "Neither can I."

            The conversation ended with spoken goodbyes and Shelby went back to packing, her mind was a little more at ease but her heart was still twisting in little knots, some things never changed. 

~Monique~

            "Who were you talking too?" 

            Monique swirled around and tried to hide the phone behind her back as Scott walked casually into the living room dressed once again in a polo shirt and khakis, this time he had varied it though because the shirt was red. He had been there for a week already and still refused to allow her to buy him some sleek leather pants or a Dolce & Gabana Hawaiian shirt which added to her growing frustration. When he wasn't on the phone with his law office he was on the phone with his fiancé who never ceased to call him at least once every hour to critique wedding plans or to find out what he was doing. Monique hadn't even met her and she disliked her already. 

            "Oh, no one, telemarketer."

            "I thought your number was unlisted…virtually everywhere."

            She racked her brain. "Well…uh…this is a Hollywood telemarketer."

            He cocked in eyebrow dubiously. "A Hollywood telemarketer…"

            "Yeah, they were calling about…uh…awards."

            "Awards?"

            "Yes, awards…you know you can never get to many of those Grammy's, Oscar's and Academy's can you. 

            He looked at her oddly but didn't ask any more questions. Instead he glanced at his watch and informed her that he was going out to buy something for Heather and that he would be back soon. Monique protested loudly but he refused to listen, he was still as stubborn as always, another form of frustration for her. 

            He was gone for three hours and when he finally returned to the apartment he had a small teal Tiffany box in his hand. She was sitting on the couch watching Animal Planet when he walked in smiling broadly.

            "Mo, look at this." He raised the top of the velvet box to reveal a stunning Harry Winston diamond bracelet. It sparkled even out of the presence of light, it looked as if it were priceless yet to delicate to wear. Monique knew her jewelry and when she carefully lifted the bracelet out of the box she was impressed.

            "God, Scott, how much did you pay for this?"

            "I got it for three thousand, a steal."

            She quickly put it back in the box and stood up.

            "You paid three thousand dollars for a bracelet!"

            "It's her wedding present, besides I can easily afford it."

            "Would you stop saying that!"

            She stomped towards her bedroom without even looking at him.

            "Saying what?" He asked simply.

            "Wedding this, Heather that, I can't take it anymore!"

            She slammed the door to her room and left Scott standing puzzled and shocked in the hallway. After a while he shrugged his shoulders and deposited the box into his bedroom. Although at a loss as to what was eating up his best friend he decided against dwelling on it and instead changed, got a towel and went out for a swim. There was plenty of time to discuss the wedding and he knew that eventually she would love Heather. _Even if I Don't._ The words shocked him and he pushed them from his mind with every force he had in him. It's easier for him to deny his feelings than to deal with them, some things never change. 


	7. Let it be for things undone

~Shelby~

            There was a certain tension in the air all around and it grew increasingly hard to ignore the constant twisting of her stomach but all in all she prided herself in her resolve. Even if she had chickened out it was a little late now because she was facing the front door of Monique's chic apartment, with only a slab of wood between her and her old friend. Shelby breathed in deeply before glancing down at a white slip of paper crumpled between her fingers, it said the same thing it had five seconds ago and she confirmed for the thousandth time that this was the right apartment. Slowly she raised a hand to the door and rapped lightly. She hadn't expected the door to fly open so quickly. 

            "Shelby!" Monique grabbed her into a tight hug and ushered her inside the apartment. With a sincere grin she turned to her friend.

            "It's so good to see you and so nice of you to invite me out here. I needed a vacation."

            She smiled warmly. "Anytime, I hate being all alone in here anyway."

            Shelby thought of commenting but refrained, there would be plenty of time to talk about that. Instead she hugged her again and asked her general questions. How she was doing, fine, how was work, exciting, when she would next be in town, not for a while. Monique was in the process of explaining the plot of her new movie when a door slammed and footsteps were heard in the hallway.

            "Monique! Have you seen my green polo shirt! I'm going to kill you if you threw it away."

            In that instant Shelby's world crumbled around her, mercilessly taking every bit of security that had been so dear to her for the last five years. It was him, that was the only way she could describe it to herself, it was him and he was here. Her first instinct was to open the door, hop on a plane and be back in California before she knew it but her feet wouldn't work and when he walked into the room she was standing dumbly next to a worried looking Monique. 

~Scott~

            His heart stopped for a moment and luckily it started up again, this time throbbing with the blood that was pulsating at record speeds through his tense body. His mouth moved up and down but no sounds came out, then he just stared with disbelief. In that room, standing next to his best friend was the one woman that he had given his heart too and who had subsequently crushed it without a second thought. She looked the same radiant blond, light, beautiful, he closed his eyes briefly and wished her away with all his might but when he opened his eyes she was still standing there. 

            "Monique," He started slowly, not taking his eyes off Shelby and choosing his words carefully. "What is going on?"

            She cleared her throat and shifted her weight slightly from one foot to the other.

            "Uh…Shelby's here."

            "I can see that." He answered through gritted teeth. Shelby glanced from Scott to Monique quickly.

            "I have no idea what sick joke you two are playing but I'm getting out of here right now."

            She turned to leave but Monique caught her arm. 

            "You can't I brought you both here for a reason." She jerked her arm away but stood still, deathly still, and Scott, recovered from his shock, walked forward.

            "Monique, you have no right to interfere in our lives!" He bellowed but she didn't flinch.

            "Did you even bother telling her, Scott?"

            "Tell me what?" Shelby said hesitantly. His eyes met hers for a second but then bored back into Mo's.

            "I can't believe you did this." He said softly.

            "Tell her, Scott. She deserves to know." Monique said matching his tone.

            "Fine," He wearily turned to meet Shelby's eyes once again. 

            "Shelby, I'm getting married in a month."

            A deafening silence engulfed the room. It was hard to even tell if anyone was breathing, it was as if everyone was waiting for some inexplicable event that could be catastrophic or divine. Then she spoke. 

            "Congratulations, Scott." And with that she walked past him and into a random room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Monique and Scott stood in the room together, not speaking until he looked her in the eye.

            "I hope you happy, Monique." Then he too walked away leaving her with bitter tears forming in her eyes.

A/N: I hope your enjoying these chapters. The more reviews I get the more likely I am to finish something so keep them coming!!

Next: A VERY surprise visit…


	8. Surprises In Italian Leather

A/N: Due to popular demand (haha) this is a longer chapter. I also decided to do it in first person, I thought I'd switch it up a little but most likely I'll be going back to third person for the next few chapters. Thanks for reading and as always read and review!

~Scott~

            "Where are you going?"

            I turned from the suitcase in front of me to face Monique who was leaning casually on the doorframe. She acted as if the blow up that had just occurred in the next room was non-existent, she obviously didn't understand, and most likely never would. 

            "Where do you think I'm going." The remark came out harsher than I had meant it but I didn't apologize, she hadn't. 

            "I don't think this is the answer, Scott." 

            I whirled around at a speed that even surprised myself and faced her incredulously.

            "Then what is the answer…"

            "Be honest with each other for once. I know-…"

            "That's just it!" I interrupted quickly. "You don't know. You don't know the pain I went through day and night, not able to eat, sleep or think. I barely passed the end of law school! Not a call, I thought she was dead somewhere at one point. You have no right to tamper with our lives because you don't know, Monique, you just don't!"

            She opened her mouth to answer me when the doorbell rang. It was silent for a moment except for the loud chimes that echoed through the apartment building.

            "That's weird, are you expecting anyone?"

            I shook my head, she shrugged hers shoulders and sauntered tensely to the door. I followed her just in case, I might have been furious with her but I didn't want her to get hurt. It was odd for anyone to come unannounced and I could tell by the lines forming around her mouth that she was worried, Shelby had peeked her blonde head out of the room door to see what was going on but we didn't make eye contact, at least I tried not to. Hesitantly Monique pressed the button on the intercom. 

            "Hello?"

No answer came, just the uncomfortable sound of silence. Monique tried again but the same thing happened. I contemplated calling Jerry but I was the man of the house at that moment so I figured it was my duty to find out who it was. I brushed past her and opened the door. What I saw shocked me just as much as seeing Shelby had.

"Scotty poo!"

Heather, standing there in a thick white fur coat that covered her expensive leather Italian pants and most likely equally expensive top, with lather bags of luggage strewn about her. She slipped a compact mirror into her Gucci purse and smiled with perfectly shaped red lips while grabbing me in a crushing hug, I attempted to hug her back but weakly, I was still in shock.

"I missed you so much!" She exclaimed after drawing back. I tried to speak but only my lips moved up and down without any sound, when I regained my composure I stared straight back.

"Heather, what are you doing here?"

"Well," She said matter-of-factly. "I couldn't wait to see you so I decided to take the initiative and surprise you. You always say that I need to be more spontaneous, so here I am!"

            I could feel my eyes getting wider every second and all Heather did was smile sweetly. She moved around me and threw a cold glance at Monique who was standing speechless but obviously upset behind me. 

            "You must be Monique! I absolutely loved 'A Girl Called Wednesday', I must have watched it a thousand times!" She said feigning sweetness and grabbing her in a hug. Monique narrowly saved herself from a handful of brown hair in her eyes that were shooting venomous darts at me. I made unspoken pleas at her to be nice and tried to vanquish myself from any guilt for her unexpected arrival. When Heather had finished with her shameless display of acting, she gestured at the luggage that was sitting neglected in the hallway.

            "Can you get that for me, Scott dear. You would think being a place where stars stay there would be a doorman." She pushed black sunglasses up over her dark brown hair. 

            I glanced nervously at the mass amounts of baggage.

            "How long are you planning on staying exactly?"

            She looked shocked and then smiled.

            "Don't worry, we'll be back in enough time for the wedding."

            Once again my eyes grew wide, I wanted to faint, it would be warranted at this point. Monique looked as if she would hit me over the head with a heavy object while trying to remain amiable and Shelby slammed the door to the room loudly causing everyone to jump.

            "What on earth was that?" Heather inquired after a brief moment of silence between us all. I grabbed some bags and shuffled her further inside the living room while throwing a cursory glance at the door. 

            "Nothing."

~Shelby~

            After slamming the door loudly I retreated to the guest room and began searching for a phone to call the airport and see what flights they had going out. My search turned up unfruitful and instead I sat on the plush bed in defeat, staring at the wooden door in front of me. Behind that door was everything that I had been running from and I knew I shouldn't have been surprised when he said he was getting married. It was inevitable but I thought I handled it well, I could never stand to let him see me cry. Heather, she was beautiful, if not a little artificial and it was evident that she came from good breeding and maybe that's what Scott deserved, someone like him, someone he could bring home to his father, not a trailer trash whore. A slight sob racked my body as I thought of it, all I wanted to do was curl up and cry but I made up my mind, I wouldn't let this beat me down, I still had my pride so I straightened my jeans, brushed the hair out of my eyes and walked out into the living room. 

            My entrance went unnoticed at first because everyone was crowded around the television set but I couldn't see what was going on.

            "This is horrible." Heather exclaimed. Scott nodded mutely and Monique sighed deeply.

            "Well, it looks like we wont be going anywhere for a while."

            Puzzled, I shifted around behind them to see what was going on. The first thing I noticed was that it looked like the television was broken but then I realized that wasn't television snow, that was real, straight from the sky snow. The picture switched off and a cherry news anchor to it's place.

            "We are in for it this week, an unexpected blizzard just hit the East coast border and it is a blizzard to the fullest extent of the word. Roads are shut down, airports are blocked, no one's going anywhere folks so stay turned to Channel five at five for more updates from meteorologist Larry Rangon and the Live at Five news team."

            My mouth hung open, I couldn't believe it, of all the times to be snowed in! Someone clicked the television off and Heather, Monique and Scott all got up at once and subsequently all met me at once. Monique was the first one to speak.

            "It's snowing."

            "I see." I said simply, I tried to ignore the glares Heather was shooting at me. "I don't believe we've met." 

            She reached out a hand limply. 

            "Heather Carson and you are?"

            "Shelby Merrick." 

            "So your Scott's old girlfriend."

            I cringed inwardly at the label but I didn't show it. 

            "Yeah. I heard about your marriage, congratulations."

            "Thanks."

            Her eyes were still narrowed at me as if she were sizing up the competition even if there was none. I could tell one thing though from the look on his face I knew that Scott didn't love her but what did it matter to me. Lucky me, I'm snowed in with my ex boyfriend, his fiancé and my back stabbing best friend for who knows how long, this is going to be once interesting trip. 


	9. One More Reminder, One More Memory

~Monique~

            "There are no trains leaving anywhere? For the whole weekend? What about private airplanes, look is there anyone who can get me out of New York in the next day? I'll take anything…a horse…camels? I understand that but it's an emergency and…oh…well, thanks anyway. Yeah, I'll keep in touch. Bye."

            I watched inconspicuously from the kitchen, with my concentration firmly on the salad bowl in front of me, as Shelby, dejectedly, placed the phone back on its black cradle. I could tell from the conversation and the look on her face that her attempts to get out of New York were futile. Again. Wearily, she ran a hand through her blonde hair, sighed deeply and then glanced up at me as if she knew I was listening the whole time.

            "Not even a hotel," She threw her eyes up towards the ceiling. "Someone up there must really hate me."

            I didn't know what to say in response so I smiled weakly and tried to be as supportive as I could, even though it was my fault she was in the situation in the first place. Shelby walked slowly back to the guestroom and quietly shut the door, I knew what she would be doing; I knew what I always did when I got that look on my face. I could picture her already coming out of the room in an hour or so, red eyes, moist face, trying to put on a smile for the world, I had done it a thousand times, the only difference was, I was excellent at it. I threw down a piece of lettuce in the bowl, checked the roast in the oven one last time and untied the ugly flowered apron from around my waist. 

            The hallway stretched out in front of me and I walked past Shelby's room, hearing the telltale muffled sobs and then past Scott's room where he and Heather were arguing about something else. This time is sounded like the band for the reception, five minutes ago it had been the type of cake, ten minutes before that it had been whether the men would wear vests or not. I opened the door to my room, shut it behind me and threw my tired body over my bed. I closed my eyes and then opened them to stare blankly up at the ceiling. I didn't even notice the tear that had dripped out of my eye until I tasted the saltiness of it on my lips. Hurriedly I attempted to wipe them away but they still came in a torrent of shut up emotion. 

            Instinctively I began to sing gently into the darkness. 

            "_I can't make you love me if you don't. I can't make your heart feel something it won't. Here in the dark…in these final hours, I will lay down my heart_…"

            I didn't finish the song because the phone rang, thankfully ripping me from the memories, releasing me from the prison of what was. 

            "Hello…" I said softly into the receiver. 

            "Mo…is that you?"

            I jerked up in the bed, my heart pounding and I immediately felt a headache growing behind my eyes.

            "Ethan?"

            "Yes, it's me." The deep husky voice floated into my ear, wrapped around my heart and threatened to choke the life out of me. "It's been a while, huh."

            "Y-yeah, a long while…why are you calling then?"

            "I needed to hear your voice again. I miss you." I closed my eyes and tried to hold in the questions that were coursing through my mind. 

            "Ethan, I told you, I can't do this…not now, not ever."

            "Please, Mo…I'm in New York and…"

            Anger shot up in me, bringing heat into my body. 

            "What the hell are you doing here?" My gritted teeth made the words sound like sand paper. 

            "If you think it's just to see you, you're wrong. When you said you wanted space I respected that, I'm here for a surgical convention so I thought I'd call, catch up, see how you were doing."

            "More like ease your conscious."

            "I made mistakes, Monique, I've done everything, what more do you want from me!"

            "I want you to leave me alone and I never want to see you again!"

            I wanted to slam the phone down but my hand wouldn't let me. 

            "You can run from me, Monique, but you can't run from love. I'm staying at the Ritz Carlton, room 410; you know where to find me… I-I love you, Mo…Bye."

            A quiet click followed and then the repetitive sound of the dial tone. Angrily, I picked up the phone, ripped the cord out of the jack and threw it against the wall with all the force I had in me. Then I began sobbing uncontrollably with my head buried in my hands. I wanted to throw something else but I refrained and consoled myself with selfish tears. Ethan Ryan never said what he didn't mean and when he said he loved me I knew he meant it. The words tore me up inside and I fought for control, when it finally came I sat dumbly on the bed staring at the wall where the phone had hit leaving a faint dent and black smear. Suddenly as if hit by a force I couldn't control, I went to my dresser and began digging through a random assortment of things until I came to a box. It wasn't big but it was well-made and held shut with a single gold clasp. 

            I ran a hand over it and then holding my breath, I opened it. The first thing that hit me was the smell, expensive Armani cologne, fabric sheets and peppermint, it was beautiful and I breathed it in deeply, letting it fill every part of my heart that had been empty for so long. I reached inside and picked up a picture, it was a little worn but in good shape. 

He was smiling, he always smiled, that's what drew people to him, the way he was always laughing and joking around. Even his blue eyes smiled and when he turned them on you, and you were staring into them he made you feel like you were the only person in the room and the most important thing to him at that moment. I remembered staring for hours into those eyes, getting lost in them, letting them take me to places I had never been before. They were the first thing's I fell in love with, his eyes. Then his lips, perfect and sweet, a familiar ache grew inside me when I recalled the last time I had kissed him and I lone tear found it's way down my cheek. His muscled body leaned casually against the shiny new red Porsche and he fit so naturally into the world. His expression was mischievous, loving and happy like all was right and he had no cares but it was also intelligent, inquisitive and always searching. He was obviously handsome, gorgeous really, whenever we went out together he would get his fair share of attention but he never even glanced at the other women, some of who were ten times better looking than me. 

Blue eyes, dark hair that always wanted to curl, strong features, Armani cologne, peppermint, John Grisham, fabric softener, Indie films, long walks on the beach, dancing under the stars, all made up Ethan and why I loved him. Even his quirks, like how the toilet paper always had to roll from the top and how the bed sheets had to face a certain way but then he'd hold me in his arms and whisper softly into my ears a love poem or surprise me with a ride into the country for a picnic and none of that would matter because, Ethan loved me, what else mattered. 

I placed the picture down back into the box and then picked up a necklace. On the chain was the angel figurine that Scott had given me for my sixteenth birthday. Next to the chain was a bracelet with an identical angel but this one had an engraving on it that said "MG, my angel." Ethan had given it to me for our one-year anniversary. I put that back in the box but I hung the necklace around my neck. What brought the most pain to my heart was the small velvet box that held a vintage rare diamond ring worth over a hundred thousand dollars, my engagement ring. I took one last look at it and put it away. Then I shut it tightly and slipped it back into the drawer, underneath all of the clothes until I could get the courage to look at it again, it could be tomorrow but then again it could be never.

~Shelby~

            I tried in vain to get some sleep and the longer I tried to keep my eyes closed the harder it was to sleep. The flashes of memories kept overtaking me in a whirlwind of color and emotion that no amount of wishing stopped. I tossed and turned between the bed sheets like I was stricken with some horrible disease but there was no release from this hell of memories.

_____________________________________

_            "Pregnant?" She said dubiously and instinctively glanced down at her belly that was as firm and flat as it had been two seconds before but now it seemed a little bloated. The doctor smiled happily and she wanted to clog him in the face, if only he understood what he was saying. _

_            "Yes, two months exactly. Congratulations, Mrs. Merrick." Dr. Johnson said in his deep physician like voice. Her heart began to quicken and the simple task of breathing seemed harder to do each and every second. Pregnant. She was two months pregnant, with a baby. She was going to have a real live baby. As he carefully watched her reaction, Dr. Johnson's face slowly changed from pleased to concern._

_            "Shelby, are you alright?"_

_            She swallowed hard, trying to force the lump in her throat back to wherever it came from._

_            "I- I…uh…I'm fine. Thank you for everything, Dr. Johnson."_

_            "Your welcome." His eyebrows were still furrowed in tactfully unasked questions but he allowed her to go with out a word. She quickly gathered up her purse and walked out of the doctor's office, shocked, stunned and thoroughly scared. _

___________________________________

            I sat up swiftly in bed, breathing hard and attempting to calm the pounding of my heart. It always happened like this, first a rouge memory and then the panic, finally the quiet sobbing and I always suffered alone. That was the hardest, never having someone to talk about it but I also knew that that was out of the question so I continued to suffer alone. Lying in bed wasn't going to help any and a long time ago I had decided that the only way to beat them was to divert my mind so instead I clicked on the television to a random channel and began to be pulled into a world where I didn't have to think.


	10. Again

I walked out of my room, brushing the tears off my face, to check on my roast and when I exited I noticed the form of Scott sitting on the couch with the television turned to the fishing channel. He obviously wasn't watching it but he sat there, staring into the screen like a zombie. The roast was done, very done actually, it was a little burnt on the top but suddenly I didn't feel hungry and I doubted seriously that anyone else in the house was. Maybe Heather, but by the looks of her I seriously doubted if she ate anything at all.

            "Hungry?" Scott turned his head at my question.

            "Not really."

            I put the roast back in the oven and when to join him on the couch. I tucked my legs up underneath me and shifted my body so that it rested slightly on Scott.

            "Me neither…rough night?"

            "Yup. I figure you must be having a similar one since I heard you throw something at the wall again."

            "Where's Heather?" I ignored the comment and instead glanced around, expecting to see her at any moment but luckily she didn't surface.

            "Getting her beauty sleep. I guess all of that arguing tired her out."

            I nodded and silence sat between us for a moment until I gathered the strength to break it.

            "You know Ethan called today." I attempted to sound as causal as possible but I knew I was failing miserably. Scott raised an eyebrow in my direction while I stared down into my hands, he didn't say anything, he just patiently waited for me to continue.

            "He's in New York." 

            He raised both eyebrows in silent question and then rested a hand lightly over mine.

            "You knew it would happen eventually, Mo but are you sure your ready for this?"

            I sighed deeply but I felt a surge of resolve in me.

            "Yeah, I guess. I knew I'd have to face it sometime so I guess now is a good a time as any."

            Scott nodded and then leaned his head back, letting his eyes drop closed and there was companionable quiet between us until I ventured to breach it again.

            "Have you talked to Shelby yet?" I asked carefully even though I already knew the answer. His head snapped up and I immediately noticed a change in his demeanor. 

            "No. I really have nothing to say to her, I wasn't the one who walked out."

            "Don't you want to know why?"

            "You know the first couple months after she left all I did was ask myself why. I racked my brain to think of something that I did or said to make her want to leave me and every time I could think of nothing but now I don't even care anymore. I'm getting married, starting a new life, she's apart of my past…a past that I've decided to put behind me."

            I stared at him in disbelief because it seemed as if someone had taken over his body and was speaking for him. He was clearly upset but the firmness of his voice frightened me a little but I wouldn't give up hope so I decided to tell him my story, hoping that he wouldn't make the same mistakes I had. I started slowly, measured my words carefully, all the while praying for strength. 

            "I remember when I first met Ethan. I was leaving the Dr.'s office when I backed up into a shiny brand new red Porsche. All I could think was, oh my god this guy is going to come outside and kill me. Even though there was just a tiny scratch I was terrified and then I saw him striding over. I wanted to curl up and die, he turned out to be the son of my doctor and I thought that it couldn't get any worse but the next thing I know he was laughing with me and asked me out to dinner. It just snowballed from there, we were completely inseparable for two years and then on one night, we were dancing underneath the stars and he got down on one knee and proposed. The ring was his grandmother's and it is engraved with the family crest on the band, it has to be the most beautiful ring I've ever seen, incredibly expensive too. It was passed down from a long list of generations beginning with a distant grandmother who was a Duchess."

"Around the same time I got a contract with the studio and I was filming my first movie. I had no idea it would be a hit and the next thing I know I'm flying to California and Paris for months at a time. We rarely saw each other and when we did it wasn't for a long time. It took its toll on both of us, especially with him finishing medical school etc. and then one day he confesses that he kissed another woman after she came on to him at a dinner at his father's country club. I felt like my life was over, he said he didn't feel anything for her, that he loved me only but everything, all the stress, all the traveling, everything, came crashing down on me and the next thing I know I'm sending back all of his stuff and my engagement ring on a Fed Ex truck. He sent the ring back because he said he had given it to me so it was mine so I tucked it away and didn't look at it again until last night. There are times when I know I did the right thing but then there are times, when I'm sitting in my apartment alone for a brief second or walking the red carpet with some random Hollywood hunk on my arm, that I wish I could go back. When I wish I could take back everything I said and start again and not wonder what might have been."

"Listen to someone who knows, Scott, holding all the pain in your heart will eat you up inside until you don't even know who you are anymore. And if you think marrying someone else will chase away the hurt then you're wrong. On the other hand if your bent on marrying her then fine but how can expect to give your life to someone else when you haven't even closed the door to your old one? You owe this to Heather, you owe this to Shelby and you owe this to you. Don't make the same mistakes I did, fix it before you find yourself trying to escape the one person that you love most."

I bent down and kissed his forehead lightly then walked away, leaving him with his own thoughts and fighting with his own soul. I guess my story had made somewhat of a difference because his hard features had softened slightly and he was deep in contemplative thought. In that moment he looked just like he did when we were sixteen and I didn't realize until then just how much I missed those days.

~Scott~

            I spent the whole night tossing and turning, trying to figure out what to do but every time the answer came I chased it away with my bitterness and doubt. It was when the sun rose, intruding into the bedroom, that I knew that it was inevitable, there was no way I was going to be able to avoid Shelby anymore and the thought terrified me. 

            I got up and numbly went through the usual morning ritual with my mind constantly on what I was going to say. Then I slowly made my way across the hall and knocked lightly on her door.

            "Shelby?"

            There was silence and then movement on the other side. The door opened and he face, obviously shocked, appeared on the other side. She was dressed and I suspected that it had been as much of a difficult night for her as it had been for me but even with her rumpled hair and tear stained eyes she was beautiful.

            "Scott…I…is everyone okay? Is something wrong?" Her expression was contorted into worried lines and I shook my head.

            "No, nothings wrong. I just think that maybe its time we talk. You want to talk a walk around the indoor gardens?

            She looked shocked and then questioning, maybe even a little relieved afterwards but regardless of any of these emotions she nodded and shut the door to her room behind her. We exited the apartment, went down the stairs and then walked silently next to each other neither brave enough to speak but both to apprehensive to stay quiet.

            "It's nice down here." She said in a tiny voice, I stopped and looked straight into her eyes.

            "Why?"

            I had caught her off guard but when she regained her footing she answered.

            "Why what?" She said innocently. 

            "Why did you leave?"

            Shelby shrugged her shoulders with downcast eyes. Her blonde hair fell into them and trailed down her shoulders, I noticed then that it was longer than it had been before but it was still the same silk sun sort of color, I even remembered how it smelled, like fresh flowers.

            "It's not that easy to explain, Scott."

            I pushed her chin up so that she her eyes were forced to meet mine, they were blurred but I wouldn't let her look away.

            "Try. I think you owe me some kind of explanation."

            She sighed deeply and leaned against the white brick wall behind her that was adorned with pictures of various flowers housed in the greenhouse. Her head rested slightly on a plaque for a white rose. 

            "You wouldn't understand." She said simply.

            "Well at least let me try to understand." I could feel the anger slowly building in me and I knew that if I didn't calm I would explode. "You left without a trace, of course I don't understand! You never gave me a chance to understand!"

            She jerked up and shot angry darts at me with her sea blue eyes.

            "Don't stand there and tell me that I owe you anything, Scott! I gave up everything because I loved you! I left because I loved you!"

            I stood there, staring at her and trying to process the words.

            "What?"

            "Yeah, you heard me," Then her voice quieted and the tears started to form behind her eyes again. "I went to the doctor and I found out I was pregnant."

            I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and I found myself having to lean against the white brick wall as well. The air was knocked out of me and all I could was watch as Shelby began to cry softly.

            "I was going to tell you but that night you came home all happy. You had passed your semester finals and you were a shoe in for the big firm you wanted and I just couldn't do that to you. We had barely enough money to survive because all of it went to your tuition and we were both still paying for college. You were so excited, so ready to start, you had such an incredibly bright future and a baby would have ruined everything for you but I also knew that I couldn't just get rid of it. He was a part of you, a part of you that I carried inside of me, like the most perfect expression of love possible, the only problem was that you didn't know about it. That day, after going to the doctor. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried the whole afternoon, when you came home I put on a happy face but the next morning I knew what I had to do. I went into the bedroom, packed my bags and was gone before your next class. Then I got in my car and just drove, I had no idea where I was going. I just left."

            She said this all in a dead tone, like she had lost the ability to feel and was going through the motions for my benefit. I couldn't tell what she was thinking from the expression in her eyes but I could almost sense a deep but hindered pain that seemed to reverberate from her and into me but I still had unanswered questions.

            "What…what happened to the baby?

            "I lost him in some motel bathroom in Indiana."

            A strong urge to throw up in engulfed me suddenly but I held it in and searched her in disbelief.

            "Why didn't you just tell me? It was mine too, I had a right to know."

            "It's not that simple and would you stop calling him "it"! I named him Luke, it means the light of god."

            A small smile made its way across her face and I suspected that she was thinking of some distant memory that I wasn't apart of, which caused a slight pang of unexpected resentment, but it quickly returned somber. 

            "I would have dropped out and provided for both of you. I had a college degree, I would have made it work."

            "That's exactly what I didn't want, Scott! For you to give up all of your dreams and aspirations, I could see it in your eyes every time you conquered another test or shined in your classes, you loved what you did and I knew I couldn't force you to choose between two things that you love. You deserved a future and I just thought that I would go away for a while, contact you as soon as you finished law school and then all three of us could start over. It seemed like the perfect solution then."

            Deadened silence sat between us as I tried to digest this latest development in my already complicated life. It seemed unbelievable to me that she would leave with our child without telling me. There was something in me that wanted to understand, wanted to believe that she did the right thing but now that I knew I felt free in a way. I knew the truth and as much as it hurt I was glad I had discovered it, the only problem was, I still loved her.

            "Well, now you know." She said. Her voice possessed a hardened edge to it. 

            "I guess this doesn't change anything."

            "No, I guess it doesn't but I'm glad we got it out of the way before I left for my flight today."

            I raised an eyebrow involuntarily.

            "You're leaving?"

            "Yeah, I woke up early to pack, by some small miracle they found a flight leaving New York but there's only one and it leaves in two hours. So this is probably good-bye."

            "Uhhh…yeah…probably…."

            Hesitantly, she wrapped her long arms around me and with her body pressed against me I suddenly felt weak and very vulnerable but I prayed she didn't detect it. It was taking all of the strength I had in me to let her go but I had to deal with everything and I couldn't do it with her here. 

            "Goodbye, Scott."

            With that she was gone and I was left watching the gentle swaying of her blonde hair as she walked out of the greenhouse and subsequently out of my life. Again.


	11. Lost Lovers and Liars

A/N: I'm soooo sorry it took so long!! School's been crazy and I'm in a ton of clubs plus SGA so I had no time to write but things are winding down again so more updates sooner!!!Once again thanks to everyone who reviewed!! There is still hope yet…enjoy this chapter!!

~Monique~

            "What do you mean she left?!" 

            Scott's blue eyes followed me from the couch he was casually seated on as I frantically paced the living room floor. He shrugged his shoulders apathetically and answered in a disinterested tone, like he was discussing the importance of processed cheeses.

            "Just what I said, she's left. This morning actually, after we had a talk."

            My frenzied movements stopped only long enough to shoot him an annoyed glance and to throw my body down on the couch beside him. I stared straight ahead, avoiding his eyes and what I saw in them, pure unadulterated indifference.

            "Like that…she just up and left. You know I seriously thought we would get somewhere but no you had to go and ruin it."

            Scott made a low grunting noise in his throat and then glanced at me incredulously.

            "_I_ ruined it! You were the one that threw us together in one house thinking that just because we had to confront each other things were going to magically resolve themselves."

            "Oh, so now its _my _fault!" I said with a dramatic roll of my eyes. Scott took this brief opportunity to exit the couch. 

            "Look, I know you meant well and in actuality I'm glad it happened because I found out things I would have never known before."

            "Like…" I inquired suspiciously because he had yet to elaborate on their talk and I had a sneaking suspicion that was why she left. He ran a hand through his blonde hair and sighed from deep inside him. 

            "Well, I got her pregnant and she didn't want me to give up all of my dreams to bother with _my_ own child, my responsibility. She lost the baby though, his name was Luke, it means light of god… she lost him."

            This newest revelation was nothing short of an incredible jolting shock and for the moment all I could do was stare, open-mouthed as Scott calmly explained their discussion and eventually her leaving. 

            "I had no idea…I mean I would have never guessed."

            "I just can't believe she would do that." His voice clearly reflected the anger and bitterness that he kept up locked up inside him. 

            "Scott, I've known you my whole life and I know that you are a caring, responsible person. And I also know that the first thing you would have done if she told you was leave Harvard law and scramble to find some half backed job that was about a hundred miles from you dreams."

            "He was my child, it was my job to provide for him. What makes her think that she can take that from me." He stared at me wearily and I went and laid a hand on his arm. 

            "Look, I don't necessarily think what she did was right but Shelby obviously loves you more than herself or even the life you too produced because she felt that leaving was best. Think about it, she could have stayed and forced you to quit but she knew you well enough to know that eventually you would resent it and think about what might have been. She wasn't taking anything away from you, she was giving you the life you always wanted and eventually she would give you the family you always wanted. But I guess things never go as we planned. You can't blame her for loving you like that, Scott, I don't know one other person that would have done that."

            "I want to believe that…I really do but right now all I can think about is Luke and the family I would have had. I just need some time that's all."

            I nodded silently and then watched as he walked into the guest room that just a few hours before she had occupied and shut the door. I wasn't sure if he had gone in there to be closer to her or to escape Heather in the other room but I could tell that maybe it was a mixture of both.   
  


~Shelby~

            I hated being on planes, and to make it worse I sat there comparing every little thing to Monique's private jet, like that fact that I was the only one on it and not squished between an enormous snoring man and chatterbox old lady. But I rejoiced in one thing, it kept my mind of him. As I sat there thinking back, there were many times during the course of our conversation that I wanted to hit him over the head with a large heavy object. The way he self-righteously tried to condemn me was too much and I knew at that instant that maybe things couldn't be fixed…maybe we had gone too far but the only problem was that I still couldn't stop crying. I cried for what we had had, for what we had lost and for what we could never experience. I remembered the times when he would lay next to me with his lips pressed to my hair and in the darkness, whispering, we would make plans, cement dreams build our castles and in one brief second everything had been shattered and our fortress torn to the ground. 

            Glancing out of the window, as best I could over the fat man, I realized I was going home. I had come to find something but I hadn't. Scott was getting married and Luke would never have a brother or sister who would fill the gnawing, drowning gap that loosing him had caused but really what had I expected. I never really thought he would understand and if I had even for a moment I knew I was kidding myself. . 

~Heather~

            "Scott, I'm tired and I want to go home."

            "How can you be tired all you've done all morning is sleep."

            Instinctively my eyebrows raised and my mouth opened wide in indignation. Scott ambled around the bedroom restlessly and all morning I had been trying to get him to talk to me but he wouldn't. 

            "I don't know what your problem is but if it has anything to do with that tramp I'll kill you."

            He looked at me in annoyance like I was some child to be castigated. In all my life I had never been so insulted by a man and he didn't even have to say it, I knew his attitude had something to do with her. 

            "She isn't some tramp, Heather, she was the mother of my child!"

            The words hit me so hard that I literally stumbled back onto the bed. Scott watched my reaction with sickening keen interest.

            "W-what?" Was all I could manage to get out.

            "You would have found out eventually, I guess."

            He continued to explain to me but it was as if I wasn't hearing him all I could see  was his lips moving. I noticed how stolid and unfeeling his face seemed but behind his eyes there was something, I couldn't identify it because I had never seen it before but I felt it. I stared at the wall behind him, bent at the wait, finding it difficult to breathe and to process what he was saying.

            Then there was silence, deafening quiet that rang through the room, settling in the pit of my stomach and making me feel sick.

            "So what now?" I stammered nervously. Scott continued to stare absently out of the window with little emotion on his face. I heard a deep sigh echo from him and then he turned his ice blue eyes on me wearily.

            "I don't know. Will your parents let you marry a man with a past? They've already forgiven the sexual abuse, drug addiction, drinking, anger. What makes you think your father just won't forbid you to marry me like he did before?"

            I got up and met him halfway between the window and the bed. I wanted to reach for him but refrained.

            "He wouldn't do that to me…us…again, Scott-…"

            "Why not? He has every right too! I never deserved you in the first place! Of course being a lawyer made up for that fact that I wasn't from some prestigious Southern family and that I spent most of my teenage years in an overstated form of a group home! But I'm sure it wouldn't bother you much, you could just go and marry Robert Van Horn, that squeaky-clean rich jerk you were engaged to before!" He spat out venomously. 

            "How could you say that!" I shot back just as angrily. Tears began to well up behind my eyes and I desperately tried to hold them in. "I almost lost everything to be with you! Don't you remember? My father threatened to cut off all contact with me, take away my apartment, car, money and force me to have to pay for design school myself! And you know what…. I chose you! Even after all the threats and ridicule and misery, I chose you! Because I believed in you, Scott, because I believed you loved me! I guess I was wrong…what have I done?"

            Sobbing uncontrollably, I fell back onto the bed with my head buried deep in my hands and the mascara running down into them like a polluted river. I felt Scott kneel down beside me but I refused to look at him. His hand brushed a hair from out of my face and then down my soggy cheek.

            "Heather…please. I'm sorry, honey. I really am. I'm sorry. I just found out all this today and I'm just as shocked as you. Please forgive me. I…love you."

            Slowly, I lifted my heavy head from my hands and stared at him through tear stained eyes.

            "You're lying. Every time you say you love me you're lying and I know that. I've always known that. Don't look shocked, you still love her…it's true but the problem is I'm still fully and completely in love with you. So if you still want to marry me I'll go through with it because I'd rather live with you then live without you. If not…I'll pack my things and be gone before you can say 'goodbye."

            He was uncharacteristically rattled and I knew I must have been a sight. I made this speech in a cold, monotone voice with as little emotion as possible but inside I was reeling and my heart stopped when he finally spoke. 


	12. Leaving, Marriage, Adoption

A/N:  Here's a new chapter…enjoy! Don't forget to R/R!! The more reviews the more motivated I am to write, so thanks to those who have and keep them coming!

~Shelby~

I sighed as she took one last look around the classroom she would soon be leaving. The desks were shiny and newly cleaned, smelling of Apple Green with the chairs placed neatly on top, exposing the carpet that would also be cleaned. The walls were bare and only slightly hinted, with rouge pieces of tape, of the smiley faces and large sunflowers that had adorned them weeks earlier. The walls echoed with the long gone laughter, singing and learning of children that moved on but their presence still lingered like an old perfume. My tear filled gaze moved to my old desk, like a treasure chest it stood, that once stored the gold of A's and the jewels of exciting new subjects to be explored. Now it was empty, dull, dead, void of life but the memory was always there. 

Now there was only one thing left to do, I slowly lifted my hand and shut the light off, shrouding the once sunny and welcoming room in an eerie darkness. I hugged the class picture I had removed from the wall to my chest not noticing how the wooden frame dug into the skin of my arm. Then, with as much resolve as I could conjure up, I walked out of the room subsequently walking out on another phase of my life. 

Deciding to stop teaching had been one of the hardest things I had ever decided to do, besides leaving Scott, and as I walked down the halls of the school I wasn't sure if I had made the right decision. It seemed like teaching was the one thing that anchored me to the world, the one thing that didn't demand so much emotional strain from me and the one thing that I truly loved without feeling guilty for it. 

When I got in my car to drive home I went through a mental checklist to make sure that I hadn't forgotten anything important. The suitcases were ready and waiting to be thrown in the backseat, my apartment was spotless and prepared for the next occupant and all of the rest of the loose ends were tied up. The only thing left to do was to get the willpower to finally do it. Cameron had urged me to go and I knew that it was time; I had no more excuses, no more reasons to fight it. Scott was getting married or most likely already married by now, it had been two months since I last saw or talked to Monique and Jess was safe in college. Now it was my time. I was going back, back to the place it all started and maybe ended, I was going home…to Horizon. 

~Heather~

            The limo bounced around the street and I had to keep adjusting the diamond-encrusted tiara that lay amongst the curls of my hair. My hand rested on the fluffy tulle of my dress with a wine glass in one and the other trailing up and down the silky material. I stared passively out of the window, blocking out the boisterous sounds of bridesmaids who were talking with each other like schoolgirls. No one seemed to notice that the bride wasn't paying a bit of attention to anything they had to say. Immediately I worried if they had had too much to drink, the last thing I needed on my wedding day were drunken bridesmaids stumbling down the aisle and yelling at the top of their lungs. 

            They weren't exactly my closest friends and confidants. They consisted of two southern cousins, Karli and Corrine, blonde, beautiful and with a keen taste for fine wine. Christina, Rachel and Claire, assorted friends from my numerous travels and Tracey, Laurel and Justine, I couldn't remember where I met them at the moment. They seemed to be taking to each other well because Karli and Claire were exchanging the woes of recent failed relationships. Once again I tuned them out and went back to staring out of the window at the countryside that moved quickly past. I wished that I could stop it, rewind and walk slowly up the dirt rode with my dress gathered up in one had and the wine glass in the other. 

            "You're so lucky, Heather." Karli drawled in her usually charming southern accent but today it seemed to grate on my nerves. Hearing my name had knocked me out of my reverie and back into stark reality.

            "I am?"

            "Yeah." Someone said and they all piped in to agree.

            "I mean look at you, you're getting married! You found the one! He's gorgeous and wealthy. You can settle down now, start a family. Now it means that there's one less eligible guy in the world but I'm happy for you…I really am."

            I gave them a slight smile. "Thanks." Then back into my trance. I didn't realize until they all started tugging on my dress and wiping off smudged lipstick that we were at the church. They ushered me up into the bride waiting room of the humongous chapel, shut the door and left me alone. Sighing, I braced myself for the ceremony, snatching the last moments of solitude before I was happily married. I went to the mirror that stood in a far corner of the room and took a last look at myself as I was before I gave my life over to holy matrimony. 

The dress was perfect of course, it was a strapless number with a drop waist and a bust embroidered with real gold thread, pearls, small diamonds, and the bottom flared out in mass amounts of silk and organza. The bottom was adorned with the same type of embroidery as the top and small pearls were dropped like rain on the veil. The tiara was nothing less than what a princess would wear and I sparkled every time I moved my head, which was not often because the weight of it, and my hair and the veil was incredible. I was beginning to feel hot and nervous and I desperately wanted to sit down but I couldn't do that either because the skirt wouldn't fit in any chair. I was about to begin crying in distress when a knock on the door interrupted my latest pity party.

"Heather? " My mother. 

"Come in." I commanded and she entered with my bouquet tucked reverently into her hands, I could tell it was important for her to bring it to me.

"I just wanted to give this to you and bring you downstairs, they're ready."

I nodded mutely, with little emotion on my face.

            "You're so beautiful and I know that you will make him very happy. He's waited forever for you and you two have been through so much. I thought this day would never come, really. I was worried about you especially with that whole-…"

            "Mother, it's my wedding day…can we not talk about that please." I pleaded icily. She merely smiled and took my hand, leading me down the steps and into the doors that separated the isle from the foyer. Suddenly the familiar music began, the doors were opened and with one final "Good Luck" the wedding planner gave me a little nudge into the isle. 

            I could feel the heat of a thousand eyes on me as I walked, never glancing at anyone but staring straight ahead, counting in my head the steps that we had practiced at rehearsal. The music blared around me and I was keenly aware of the tons of red and white roses that adorned the chapel. Every so often a bridesmaid would dab her eyes, careful not to ruin her mascara, with a tissue and then tug on the expensive material of their blue dresses. Finally the music stopped and I was left standing, feeling horribly alone in the center isle with all eyes on me. It was only then did I allow myself to look at the groom, the man I was about to marry. He smiled encouragingly at me and then led me the rest of the way to the flower filled arch we would say our vows under. 

            I knew I was fidgeting and the ceremony, with all its formalities, slipped past me as quickly as the limo on the countryside. I heard myself say "I, Heather Lisette Natalia take you…" and the "I do's" after the long list of things we promised. Absently I wondered if I should have written the list down, it seemed like a lot to promise too. I felt the cold metal of the three-karat diamond and platinum ring as he slid it down my finger. I know I saw his handsome face lean towards mine for a kiss and I know I must have kissed him back because a loud cheer went up from the crowd. Before I knew it was standing outside, walking between familiar faces and strangers and into the waiting white 1930's vintage car with my hand encased in the large one of my husband. Before I knew it…I was Mrs. Robert J. Van Horn. 

~Scott~

            It was a beautiful day, nothing more, nothing less and I was cooped up inside my office finishing briefs but for the third time that hour I had to put my pen down. I leaned back in the leather chair I had occupied for much of the day and closed my eyes against the sunlight that filtered through the room between the blinds. It was days like these that I thought about the past and the future. 

Today was the day that Heather was to be married to Robert J. Van Horn, handsome heir to the Van Horn fortune; apparently his dad was big in the cheese industry. He knew one thing, her parents would be more than thrilled that their daughter hadn't married me. I remembered that day that Shelby had left for good, the day that I told Heather I couldn't marry her. Marriage without love was nothing more than a binding contract, one that I couldn't place either of us in because it wouldn't have been fair. The look on her face was akin to horror and then she calmed, packed and was gone before I could say anything meaningful. I hadn't talked to her since then but through the grape vine I had heard she finally relented to letting Van Horn marry her in my heart I wished them well. In a strange way I felt free but I also felt a slight tinge from missing Heather but in the end I had done the right thing. I still hadn't contacted Shelby and every time I attempted too a fear gripped me and I made some excuse not to. Suddenly the familiar loud beep of the intercom invaded the silence in the room and the wall of my thoughts. 

            "Mr. Barringer." The slightly muffled voice carried through the speaker and filled the silence of the room. 

            "Yes, Kathy…what is it?" I said wearily but trying not to show it.

            "You have a visitor. She says she's a friend."

            Involuntarily my eyebrow rose because it was rare for people to just drop into the office but lately I had learned to take things in stride. 

            "Send her in." I said and then I went about buttoning the top button of my shirt and straightening my tie when the visitor walked into the room without knocking.

            "No need to get all dressed up for me."

            I jumped up in my chair and succeeded in knocking over a cold cup of coffee on the desk.

            "Monique!"

            "In the flesh."

            She smiled and leaned over to give me a kiss on the cheek and then magically produced napkins from the tiny purse in her hand. I mopped the spilled liquid from off of papers and my pants while she seated herself in a plush chair across from the desk.

            "I'm glad I wasn't a client. It'd be kind of embarrassing for the law offices of Jones, Rawlings and _Barringer_, to be known far and wide for a clumsy lawyer."

            I laughed good-naturedly.

            "I'm so proud of you, Scotty! You're a partner…I know how bad you wanted it."

            "Thanks, it still seems a little unreal to see my name up their in gold with the rest of them. I have a lot to live up too, Richard and Nolan don't let me forget that easily either. But enough about me, how have you been?"

            "Great." She said dismissively and I contemplated changing the subject but I wouldn't let her get off so easy this time. 

            "Just great? You won two Oscars and an Academy award!"

            It was her turn to laugh but she waved her hand as if they were nothing but items on a shopping list.

            "Three more pieces of useless junk to clutter my already cluttered storage closet…Aren't you even going to ask what I'm doing here?"

            "Oh right, what _are_ you doing here?"

            She smiled excitedly and I silently wondered what could have her so captivated.

            "I want to adopt a child." 

            There was silence in the room as the words jumped off of the walls and into my ears. Monique continued to grin and waited patiently for my response. 

            "Well…I think that's great." I said sincerely. 

            "Me too. Which is why I wanted to ask your opinion. I'm so glad you think it's a good idea. I want to start right away."

            "As long as you're sure…I'm willing to help you but Mo, with acting and everything do you think you'll have the time? It takes a lot of time and energy to raise a child."

            Her smile faded a little. "That's another thing, I've decided to take a break. I have more than enough financially to last me a long time."

            "This is what you want?"

            "More than anything, Scott." The feeling behind her words wasn't lost on me.

            'Then…let's get started."


	13. And This Is My Revelation

A/N: Sorry it took so long for an update but here's a long chapter to make up for that. Summer's here so updates will be a lot more frequent. Thanks for reading. R/R.

~Shelby~

                        There remains little doubt in my mind that I still love Scott. It seems almost ridiculous to have to remind myself that the reason I left was because I loved him but the more I contemplate it the more I wonder if I was right or not. When I was packing that day was I really thinking of Scott or was the tightened feeling of terror around my chest due to some inescapable fear that if I stayed I'd I have to stay forever. When did it stop becoming a childhood romance and start becoming an adult reality?

            When you're young you think love will last forever, that nothing can come between two people that truly and genuinely care for each other. Then, when you've experienced life and seen more than your share of break ups and divorces you realize that love cannot be the only thing that holds people together, there has to be something stronger. Some say its trust or common ground, but I beg to differ, I think its something stronger than that, something that we can't even begin to name, something that I was afraid Scott and I were loosing. 

            I can now think back to the first months after we moved together and Scott was so excited about his job. His enthusiasm was addicting and I too became engulfed with all of the wonderful dreams we made together. I was finally going to have more than what my mother had and knowing that I'd have it with the man that I loved held it together, made it believable. But as the year went on I got restless, that's the only way I can really explain it, boredom and as superficial and immature as that sounds it was the truth. Scott was gone more often and when he was around he always had his head in a book. We were always penny pinching to get by, cutting it close every month and once we were forced to eat peanut butter and jelly for a week straight. In reality, I was tired but I kept my stamina high for Scott. I learned slowly that my life wasn't going to be some whirlwind romance out of a ten-cent novel and that at twenty maybe I wasn't ready to lay down my life for God and Family. A sudden urge to see the world overtook me and I fought with the feeling for months before I worked up the nerve to say something to Scott. I thought that maybe we could wait longer to get married, at least until had done something with my life. 

            That's when the pain started. It would begin in the morning with vomiting that racked my body and then at night it seemed impossible to get comfortable. So I went to the doctors and the rest is history. The whole process is somewhat of a blur now but I remember, almost to the point of physical aching, loosing Luke. 

            The night before I had had some spotting and I woke scared to death that I was dying or even worst that my baby was. Then it just stopped and I made an appointment with a nearby doctor's office, saying that it was an emergency. It was on the way to the obstetricians that the severe pain started. I remember falling to the floor in agony. It seemed like an eternity before I could finally work up enough strength to drag myself to the phone in which I swiftly dialed 911 and then to the bathroom. It was there that the answer to the question I had been so afraid to ask hit me like a brick and smashing into my chest causing the air to leave from my lungs. Luke was gone and I was left on the dirty bathroom floor of a cheap motel out in Indiana with no friends or family to speak of. 

            When the ambulance arrived I had been passed out for a good five minutes and at the hospital a middle-aged doctor confirmed my fears. I cried hysterically, sobbing and coughing until I could barely breathe as the nurses all around tried to comfort me. They kept repeating "it wasn't your fault" and that there was nothing I could have done to save him. Instead of being consoled I began screaming that they were all liars, thrashing and yelling at the top of my lungs until they sedated me long enough to give me proper medical attention. I never cried again after that episode, I never spoke about it to anyone…until Scott. 

            It still makes me feel incredibly selfish and self-centered to think that the only reason I left was to save myself but then I remember that that wasn't the only reason. There's really no theory to anything that happens in life, it just happens to you and then you react. As quickly as your world is a fairy tale just as quickly it can be turned upside down, Scott couldn't teach me this lesson, I had to learn it myself. We had lived in a fantasyland for too long and I think we are that much stronger for it. Maybe it took true pain and hurt to change us from children to adults and maybe, just maybe, I had been our unwilling redemption. 

~Scott~

            "Look Monique don't you think you're getting a _little_ carried away?"

            I watched as she attempted to stuff more bags in her already packed backseat since her trunk was already full and nearly popping with the amount of merchandise in side.

            "Carried away! I'm going to be a mother, Scott!" 

            I shrugged, this was a lost battle which I had discovered early in the day when she had dragged me out shopping with her. It had been a full month already since she'd barged into my office and shocked me with the news of wanting a child and the events that followed, followed quickly. In a matter of weeks New Beginning Adoption Agency had matched her with an infant in Maryland whose mother had abandoned her in a church. It still surprised me to think that people actually thought that Hollywood business of being able to leave your kids on church steps was still true. Monique had been ecstatic, so ecstatic that the next day she went out and bought a house. Just like that, on her first try she had found the perfect one. Picket fence, garden, play ground, the works. Lucky kid. 

            "Well, if you're done…which I hope you are because if not that kids going to have tons of new clothes and no food with the amount that you're spending…I have some work to finish up at the office. I have opening arguments in less than two weeks."

            She waved her hand indifferently.

            "Oh, go ahead if you must, you stuffy old lawyer."

            I grabbed her in a bear hug before leaving her with several bags that had still not found there way into her car. In a sudden burst of resolve she picked them up and threw them into the front seat of her convertible. I got in my car and drove to the office speedily, dodging pedestrians and skating through yellow lights. I wasn't in any kind of hurry, that's just the way I always drove. 

            When I reached my office I efficiently set the alarm on my Beemer with two quick clicks and then strode into the building. I gave my secretary, Kathy, a perfunctory nod before entering my personal office and locking the door but instead of taking out the folder containing the recent briefs in the Keller case I pulled out a small slip of paper. It wasn't more than the size of a business card but it weighed as heavy as a car in my hand and my heart. 

            Her number was neatly scrawled across the white paper in light pencil that I squinted to read. She had always been neat with her penmanship; I chalked it up to the teacher streak in her. Sighing heavily, I once again went through the pros and the cons in my head. If I called her she might hang up the phone on me, not be there or even worse actually want to talk. If I didn't call her I'd never know if the feeling that I still got when I thought about her was real or not. Either way it could be a no win situation but I took it in stride and picked up the phone. I hadn't even dialed yet when it coincidentally started to ring. Hesitantly I pressed the button for line one and then answered. 

            "Scott… it's me." The voice was very familiar, too familiar and one that I thought I'd probably never hear again but there it was soft, feminine and obviously upset. I gathered my thoughts before replying.

            "Heather," I attempted to sound as casual as possible. "How are you?"

            "Horrible but I can't talk over the phone. Can we meet…I really need to see you." 

            The wind was taken out of me for a second at the prospect. It was bad enough that I almost married her against my better judgment but now I found myself about to meet her…once again against my better judgment. I still couldn't pinpoint what it was about her that always made me feel incredibly guilty even when I had done nothing wrong. 

"Sure," I glanced at the clock on the wall. " It's three o'clock now how about in thirty minutes at La Fountain Bleu."

"Great, I'll see you then." I was about to hang up the phone when she stopped me.

"Oh and Scott…"

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

The first thing I noticed when she walked in the door were her eyes. Usually flawless and well made up they were bloodshot and almost lifeless. That scared me for a second; it was like I was looking at a totally different person. Her hair was cut shorter, for a while she had kept it at her waist but now it was at most at her shoulders and she'd lost weight, not in a good way, it made her look too skinny, malnourished even. In spite of all this it surprised me little that she still retained her flawless beauty, the same one that had turned my eye over a year ago.  All I could do was stare and she noticed this wearily when sitting down across from me.  

"Wondering what happened to your blushing fiancé aren't you?" She stated cynically while laying a linen napkin across her flowered skirt. I didn't respond with my mouth though but my eyes had a habit of refusing to conceal my feelings. She could see the answer in my eyes before I said a word.

            "I've changed a lot, inside and out, Scott. Marriage did it. You'd never be able to tell that I'm married to one of the most powerful men in this city and that all I have to do is snap my fingers and every task is performed for me. It's sorta ironic in a way. Here I am the one that married for money and I'm miserable and there you are the one that didn't marry because of love and you're miserable." An odd chortle escaped her lips. 

"I guess it is ironic," Her words made me feel uncomfortable and I tried a change of subject. "How's Robert?"

"Who knows anymore? He hasn't been home for at least a week now. We've only been married a month and I've already driven him away."

Tears formed in her eyes, threatening to spill over and I attempted to comfort her by placing a hand over hers.

"That's not true…"

"Oh yes it is, look, I drove you away." With that she began to cry softly and using the napkin she'd lain across her lap as a handkerchief. 

"You didn't drive me away, Heather. Remember? You gave me a choice and I did what was best for the two of us…I did what I knew how…"

She sniffled once and then stopped crying long enough to pat my kindly on the hand.

"You know Scott, you've been a true friend to me…better than anyone."

I smiled at her reassuringly, praying to heaven that she wouldn't cry again and luckily she didn't. Instead she gathered her things and prepared to leave.

"You know what Scott, you're a good guy. Maybe even the perfect guy, it's just too bad that she found you first. So…don't make me feel bad by not getting together with her. You obviously still love her…don't wait to long to do something about it because then it won't feel like such a waste to have let you go."

She walked away after that, leaving me at the table to contemplate her words and I soon found myself pulling the slip of paper from out of my pocket where it had been quickly stuffed. The name and number were still there, it hadn't changed but in a way I felt something in me had changed slightly. I couldn't exactly explain it but it was something akin to resolve, like I had come to a point where I knew a decision had to be made. It was either find her or loose her again and truthfully, I wasn't sure about either choice. 

I left twenty bucks on the table to cover our loitered time before getting up and leaving the chintzy restaurant to return to my office. When I got in I told Kathy to hold on my calls and then I sat resolutely at the desk with the phone in my hand. Surprisingly, I found myself actually dialing this time. 

The phone rang three times before a recorded message picked up letting me know that the number was no longer in use. The wind had been taken out of my sails and instead of feeling relieved I felt drained, like an athlete who had toiled for months to participate in a triathlon just to have it rained out. Discouraged, I returned the phone to the hook before once again glancing at the briefs that had yet to be finished. It was then that I determined to find her, even if I had to go to the ends of the earth. How far could she go? The world was only so big. 

~Monique~

            A baby, I'm going to have a baby, not in the conventional sense of course. I've never been one to endure pain easily so this version was even better for me but even though I hadn't yet met my daughter I felt connected to her. It was odd, sometimes I would walk past the little yellow and blue bedroom that I had prepared for her and it wouldn't hit me fully that I was going to be a mother. This was quite possible the biggest step I'd even take in my life and frankly I was scared out of my wits. 

            I was standing in the doorway of the nursery now after putting all of the new clothes away in the white chest of drawers when a knock on the door interrupted my daydreaming. I brushed my curls back with a hand, straightened my sweatshirt and then answered the door. I almost passed out when I realized who it was.

            "Ethan?"

            He stood there silently, staring at me through those piercing blue eyes, expressionless and unemotional. I, on the other hand, was bracing myself from falling over with one hand on the door and the other gripped on the doorknob. 

            "C-come in. Sit down." I heard my voice and I saw him move to enter but I still didn't believe it. I felt myself move to let him get through the doorway and then watch his back as he walked slowly to the living room and seated himself on the couch. I sat down next to him but on the other end of the couch. Then, unexpectedly after so much silence, he turned to me and gave me a wry grin. 

            "How have you been, Monique?"

            "Fine." I managed to stumble out. 

            "I know your probably wondering why in the world I'm here so I'm going to get to the point quickly," He sighed and then moved closer to me so that he could face me. He held my eyes with his causing a pain to enter my chest from the intensity. "I've gotten an offer to join Doctors Without Borders. It's a program that gives physicians the opportunity to work in third world countries and they want me to go to the Philippines. For a while I knew it was out of the question but when I lost you I began to seriously consider it. Basically, Monique, I need something concrete from you, I can't do this anymore, I have to know if what I feel for you is unrequited or…or if there's hope."

            I attempted to process the words he spoke but they all ran together in one long strand. It seemed impossible to distinguish between them and then it hit me. He was going to leave but this time it wasn't just to the next state over, it was across the world and he was asking my permission. 

            "I-…I…Ethan." I could barely get a word out. "I don't want you to go. This last month I've been thinking about everything and I realized what an idiot I've been. I was so stubborn and I should have forgiven you. It wasn't entirely your fault that everything fell apart it takes two to make a relationship work. I guess I'm saying that…I want you to stay."

            The look that crossed his face was priceless. His expression was that of someone who had just one the lottery, disbelief and then utter joy. The next thing I knew I was in his strong arms and I was doing something I hadn't done in a while, crying tears of happiness. 

            "We'll take things slow, if you want…I love you so much, I'll do whatever it takes." He said sweetly into my ear. 

            I entangled myself long enough to face him again.           

            "There's something you should know though."

            He raised his eyebrows in silent urging for me to continue.

            "Well…I'm going to have a baby."

            Ethan's eyes grew as large as saucers before chuckling I ventured to explain.

            "Not exactly _have_ a baby, not like you think. I'm adopting a little girl from Maryland. Her name is Adrienna and she's two months old."

            He was silent for a moment and I immediately became afraid that he'd pack up and run away at the prospect of a child. We' d talked about having children before but never adopting especially having one so soon. He put his arms around me and pulled me close. 

            "You know what this means don't you," He whispered into my hair. "We're going to have to buy a minivan."


End file.
